Other people’s opinions

My dear Billy, A man went to a doctor for a second opinion when he was informed by one doctor that he was overweight. The doctor replied: “You’re not just overweight. You are ugly too.” Reviewing “The Pickwick Papers,” a critic said about its author that “Mr. Dickens writes too often and too fast…if he persists much longer in this course, it requires no gift of prophecy to foretell his fate – he has risen like a rocket, and he will come down like a stick.” That was written in 1838, when Charles Dickens was only 28. He died 30 years later, ever writing, faster and more often and to this day holds a prominent place in the bright firmament of world literature. Nobody, on the other hand, knows what happened of the critic. In our own days, British dramatist Noel Coward reacted thus to a critic: “I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. Your review is before me. In a moment, it will be behind me.” How much did the opinions of other people affect you, my dear Billy? Did they occupy an important place in your life? Or did you belong to the small tribe who had sufficient self-confidence to shout, “To hell with your remarks”? Were you one of those who could insulate themselves against criticism and censure? The behaviour of everyone of us is influenced by public opinion to some extent. Nobody is immune to it. Why do we always want to put on a beautiful attire? Or, and this applies to housewives particularly, why do they deck their table with their best cutlery and crockery whenever they have guests for dinner? The answer, my dear Billy, invariably is: To create a good impression.” This is only one way of making people think and speak well of you. In such matters, there is no harm in allowing ourselves to be influenced by public opinion. The danger lies in an ever-present, nagging, and yet unreasonable concern for “what will people say?” And of course, the danger is that you are forced to sacrifice your individuality and your convictions only because of your fear of “what will people think?” This constant fear will always lead you to believe that people will consider your attitude and your actions either undesirable or ridiculous. But rest assured that if ever anybody says anything of the sort, it is often more through jealousy and envy than through a real concern for your wellbeing or any other thing. How often have we not heard people condemning us in the most nasty fashion for something we have done, and afterwards “caught” these very people doing exactly the same thing! As long as you allow yourself to be guided by this fear, you are virtually almost like a puppet – controlled by people whose opinions you fear. “The strength of criticism,” said 19th century American poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, “lies in the weakness of the thing criticised.” If you are convinced that a certain course of action is the right one, you should by all means embark upon it. To allow yourself to shrink from it because of what people will think or say, is an admission of weakness. And if this “giving in” on your part continues for long, it will wipe off your self-respect and in the long run bring you down to a permanent state of wavering indecision. It is said that we have six inherent fears in all of us: the fear of poverty; loss of someone we love; ill-health; criticism; old age; death. It is significant that the fear of criticism features in the list. If you allow all your actions to be governed by a fear of criticism rather than by your own convictions, you expose yourself to yet another danger, more insidious than apparent: the danger of becoming a hypocrite! And this is bound to happen because your fear of criticism compels you to present to the world a personality which is not your own – a personality which is not genuine, but one that is “put on” in order to avoid attracting adverse comment. Obviously, no lasting good can come out of this, because soon the deception will be found out, and the very censure and scorn you sought to escape will be heaped upon you in greater measure. Don’t tarry too long to conquer your fear of criticism. Do so, and not only will your life be far less of a mental burden, but you will be able to direct it, into more constructive channels. That does not mean that you should not pay any heed at all to criticism, my dear Billy, because it’s the critical spirit that creates – or causes others to create. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Everybody commits them. Remember that the man who never makes mistakes never also does anything. The greatest mistake that a person can make in his life is to be continually in fear of making one. The best thing for you to do is to learn to analyse your mistakes so that you do not commit the same mistake twice. Never underestimate your capabilities under the cover of modesty. Do not refuse to attempt a difficult task merely because you fear people will scoff if you fail. Moreover, do not ever allow yourself to become entirely dependent on the advice of others, however wise they may be, or you may think they are. No man on earth is spared criticism – neither the kindest, nor the wisest, nor indeed those who have worn the mantle of divinity. God himself is often the butt of criticism.